I Don’t Walk the Dog

I’m trying to suss this out. It’s like pulling apart a carpet thread by thread. My Tiger year has been full of challenges and I’ve rose against every single one. The last ditch effort for the Tiger to draw blood has and I’m not sure where I’m at about it.

Trying to balance a year with Fibro, PCOS and Hypothyroid has been hard enough. The focus has been on finding my limits in the treatment available. So the diet is put on hold, so has exercise, though I’m still loosing weight albeit at a slower pace. So far, so good.

Then we went to Vegas. I got sick. It felt like flu but food just lost appeal. Things didn’t taste right for about a month. I started eating cream of wheat for two out of three meals and eating fruit. Not so bad, except for the carbs. I dropped twenty pounds in two weeks. As food became mostly okay again I gained about ten back. Not so bad really but food has only been mostly okay.

Then the falling started. Okay, I’ve always just fell down at odd times. I’m clumsy. M. and I laugh at my collapsible ankles. But it’s gotten worse. I’m falling down more. Down stairs, on flat surfaces, as I walk. I drop things over and over again. Today I broke a glass when I caught my chair so as not to fall at the coffee shop.

Worse things: I hurt my back and TMI problems increase. Then the numbness set in. It seems positional but….no. My fingers go numb when I type or knit. My hand goes numb when I read. My legs go dead when I sit. Over the last month I have to repeat stuff several times jut to get it done.

So doctor. I go and she seems concerned but attributes it to my Thyroid until the exam. She tests my reflexes which have always been good and her brow furrows. Walking and strength tests and I fail them on my right side. My right side has weakened. I tell her I don’t feel week but I’m wrong. That anxious feeling in my muscles is weakness. I am growing weaker.

Now this could still be my thyroid. Waiting for the first round of blood tests. But over the last few days I’m noticing my compensations. Lean to the left, use the wall to walk, slide not lift. My backpack straps are set so my left takes most of the weight. When did I do that? My left has never been as strong as my right and suddenly it carries the weight. Then there is the whole Fibro fog…I think I’ve done things and haven’t. Like, I take a glass out of the sink to put in the dishwasher but it never makes it in. Details are just gone. I can’t remember names or who was with me or what I did. And then it will all rush back in a flood of little pieces which can easily be lost again.

I don’t walk the dog. I know that my daily walk in the morning takes a lot out of me and I’m tired after it. So taking the doberman out is just not something I’m comfortable doing. Before all this, I got a pug because I didn’t have yard and pugs really don’t need walks in the same way other dogs do. So I tell J. Rags is his dog so he should do the walks. And he does.

But it’s a whole different beast when I can’t walk the dog.

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