Because it is that kind of day: Everything in brackets is mine.
I am writ ting you this letter with due respect and heart full of tears i need your help [Have you ever noticed that when you get telemarketers or have to call customer service you get a guy with an Indian accent but his name is like Steve], I got your name and contact from a trust-worthy person [Note to Self: When I am Queen of the World I will kill by vivisection all trustworthy people who give out my name] who assured me of your integrity [Stop giggling] and that you will help me to transfer this money [I got your help right here], I am the only Son of late Mr and Mrs GREEN [I shout green too, but only at stop lights].
My father (MR CHRISTOPHER GREEN SNR) was a very rich and wealthy Gold Trader in Monrovia the Capital of republic of South Africa in South Africa [Long live Liberia!
He also told me that it was because of this money he was poisoned by his business partners [What? What happed to the “while my mother died”? I want more drama than this. ] while on a business trip with them and he instructed me to look for a foreign partner who will help me transfer this money out of republic of South Africa and invest it for me, my purpose of contacting you is for you to help transfer this money to your country before this people who kill my father will kill me [You know, when I first read this sentance I was thinking Hamlet but then it I thought of course they have to kill the small bus son too. We can’t have special boys running around, they’d contanminate the food chain for hobbitsis. What? I don’t have to make sense if he isn’t going to], this people who kill my father are after my life and they want to kill me [I guess that better than wanting your life for sex favors] and collect this money from me , that is why I’m now hiding my self here in republic of South Africa [Wait I thought you lived there?] so that they will not see me [If I close my eyes, I can’t see you either]. Please i need your urgent help, Tell me how much percentage you will take in the total money of the Fourteen Million, Five Hundred us Dollars to help me in transferring this money to your bank but you have to assure me that you will help me fully to transfer the money to your Bank account[I assure you that I will transfer the money to my bank account.], l hope you will not betray [oh sure, I won’t tell anyone, no one reads this website anyway.] the trust i have on you because this money is my only hope in this life ,and moreover you will also help me to come over to your country [I will? I knew there was a catch. Ah well that’s why we have an illegal alian hotline] were i will settle down for my life [oh and not die? Yeah options!] and invest this money for me [An investment in me is an invetment in you].
I can assure you that there is No regrate in helping me [Nope I don’t regret this at all], this money is an inheritance from my late father [oh, I thought you stole it].
I Await your reply [sure you do],
Greetings to you and your Family.
MR CHISTOPHER GREEN.
firstname.lastname@example.org [this is for all you spammers out there]
And now for my relpy!
Dear Mr. Green,
I will happily help you in your plight. My fee is a mere 95%. With the value of the dollar dropping, it should be clear what a paltry amount this is.
Just deposit the money via Paypal to this email address. Then you may contact me at 555-555-4792 for further details. Iâ€™m sure we can have this all worked out.
I have an extreme favor to ask of you. I collect local artworks of regional nations. If you could provide me with a sample I would be able to lower my fee.
Let’s see what happens.