Fall 2001
One & Two
Sistana sat in front of her painting. The man she had drawn stared down at her inviting her in. She sighed wish that he was real, wishing that her obession would disappear in the pelting rain. Even as she thought this, she brought up another canvas and began to paint the oh so familar features.
Her heavy looks made her feel unwanted, but this man wanted her. He craved her, she painted it into him every single time. Sistana’s family didn’t want her, the church didn’t want a divorcee, no man wanted a non supermodel woman, well almost no man.
As she painted, Sistana left extra room in the canvas. She wanted to paint herself in there, but never dared, never tried. He wanted her, she told herself, but she never pushed his limits.
Three & Four
The last stroke finished the painting. Sistana looked at her man. Her man. He reached for her and she accepted, falling into his whim. He indulged her and she let him have his way. Many hours past.
Soon she tired of the man’s caress and brought herself back into this world. She felt the danger of her imagination creeping upon her. She new that each painting would be more dangerous and one time soon, she would not beable to come back.
Five & Six
Her family took Sistana aside. Worried for her sake they talked of her obsession. Destroy your paintings they said. Do something else, anything else. But each time they spoke he eyes wandered to paintings stacked in the corner.
Incensed by her lack of attention. Her family destroyed the paintings, pour out the paint and stripped the brushes. The conflict inside of her let Sistana do nothing. She sat and cried in the middle of a trash pile.
He famly tried to help her but all she could was talk of the paintings. She told them of her secret desires and life, how she had no one but them. Her parents tried to remind her of a time before the paintings, but to Sistana that didn’t exist.
Seven & Eight
Sistana could not distingush between who she was and what she wanted to be. Her memories intertwined with her paintings. Her family put before her a choice teach art or else, but she could bring herself to do anything but dream.
Sistana gathered her shattered supplies and slowly put together one more canvas. She held the hair of a broken brush and dipped into the running colors on the floor. A world flowed onto the canvas and Sistana flowed into it.
Nine & Ten
Sistana became the colors. Her hair became the burnt umber sky, Her nails bled into the blue ocean. She smiled as she attached her lips to the roses on the shore. Here she was without time, unwilling to live, just wanting to be.
Her family found the painting wet on the easle. They searched the room not seeing Sistana’s eyes upon the birds in the painting. They gathered up the paintings, and took them away, leaving the last to dry, alone.
Page & Knight
The paint melted off the canvas, forming into Sistana’s dumpy middle age form. She could hear the whispers of her family beyond the doors. Sistana crawled out the window.
They found her on the lawn under the apple tree. She was quiet when they called her a lagabout, a good for nothing. She was silent when they called people to come to take her away.
Queen & King
Sistana was known for staring out the window. She ate when they told her to, took her medicine, and talked, but always her eyes were fixed out the window. The doctors knew they were getting no where.
The doctors didn’t know what she saw. They did not see the beautiful men through the window. They did not here the witty conversations. They did not know the path she was being led down, but at least she was happy.
The Celtic Cross
For this reading I have used the Londa Tarot and the Druid Animal Oracle for Significators.
S. The Hind
1. Eight of Wands
2. Eight of Cups
3. Five of Cups
4. Three of Cups(r)
5. Seven of Cups(r)
6. Ace of Cups(r)
7. Knight of Wands(r)
8. Page of Wands
9. Two of Cups(r)
10. Queen of Wands
Question: Misty & I’s friendship?
In this position I am looking in to the spiritual side of life, which seems true, as I have recently begun to invovle myself more in my pagan studies. The idea that I have a sophisticated view, well my self image isn’t strong enough believe that.
The eight of wands is right I want something done soon. What has gotten in the way of our “friendship” is how we changed(knew that). Of course this card seems to point to bigger things. Before I had time to interpret this spread, my husband asked for a divorce, widdening gaps. Disappointment, that’s definatly what has been going on. We can’t ever seem to please each other and we stopped trying. How am I overindulging myself? Is there something I’m doing to much of or even being selfish about? I think that the combination of these two cards are saying that I am beginning to really question myself and look at what I need to do, but my questions could cost me success. Perhaps I need confidence and I need to try not to dwell. The ace is saying things are going could and will not look good in the future. Don’t want life to get easy, heh? I have pretty disappointing view of myself. I agree I am afraid of coming off bigoted, or contentious. Certainly people see me this way. My husband and Misty for example. The page seems to be showing how my house was before my husband dropped the news, now it seems more of the reversed…no trust. I really wish I had interpreted this spread before my husband asked for a divorce. Probably would have given me some time to be prepared. My fear is to be unloved, that is what my husband has told me I am. The queen smiles and says it will be alright in the end. That I will come out good. I guess the message is to move on. I hope I can.
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