I don’t plan things. Okay I do, but I try to avoid doing so. Things I plan, that I spend money on, go sour. Like swat team ruining your party sour, major medical bill sour or even freak snow storm sour.
So I put things off. I have to get Aia’s passport renewed but haven’t sent any thing in yet. I have a stack of medical bills crying for my attention. They are right there. Nearly ready, but I wait and wait and wait.
These are little things. I want to take time to do others. Friends are waiting on movie invited but what if the neighborhood burns down that day? (Don’t laugh, okay freakin’ laugh). So many things get canceled I wonder if it’s me and it makes me afraid to plan.
So I hover over the send button. Time ticks endlessly by as I procrastinate my life away.
It’s worse. Who would recommend me for anything? I find those things, references. I’m not sure how you even get those. From a fairy, a friend of Tooth or maybe Tink. It’s hard to say or imagine these intangible references. Counsellors nod and smile, “we all must have them,” as if we are born with these magical things that make us successful.
So I hover.