03/04/2001 Midafternoon-Late Night
1. What is the Wasteland to you?
It seems sometimes it is my heart, but in the deeper world around me it seems to be humanity itself. Something is missing from all our lives. Something is wounded. In myself it is almost confidence in my abilities.
2. What Lurks in the Abyss?
Fear. The possiblity of not making it. The unknown, that which wants me to fail, maybe even myself.
3. What do you hope/think/feel lies ahead?
Vilification. Confidence. Truth. Understanding. Freedom.
1. Who are you as a person?
Inherently good, but dark. I do not always follow laws, I try to follow my heart. I say what I belive to be true. I’m not upright citizen girl. I like the shadows and the bright light. I’m not neutral, I fight hard for causes I believe in. I do not have a “place”, I belong everywhere.
2. What is your life’s purpose? What would you like it to be if you are unsure?
To live, and to make the best of it.
3. What are your greatest strengths?
I’m good at judging people, knowing what they are like. I’m willing to do what I have to in order to get things done.
4. What are your skills?
I can create. Html, Cook, Art, Write, Read well. I can detail.
5. What kind of quest are you already on? What do you seek? What do you hope to find/achieve?
I’m on a quest for knowledge, I hope it gives me and my family security.
6. What needs the most empowerment in you life right now?
7. What is your seeking style?
Fragmented, cautious. Fast and thurough.
Hallowquest Lesson 2
1. As I waited for my baby to be born, I found it harder and harder not to become anxious. Every little thing lead me to call the doctor, or go into the hospital. I felt very foolish, wasting their time. Usually I got a pat on the head, a sleeping pill, and the very unreassuring, “Maybe next time.”
As it turned out because of my vigilance I was able catch strange bleeding and the need for my baby to have special care during delivary. I knew what my baby was doing and was able to tell my midwife how she was reacting even when we could not get the monitors to work.
2. The Seeker moved from the rainbow bridge. It disappeared behind him as the sky darkened to night. She did not look back as she ran into the unknown.
The stars blazoned against the sky. She did not look at them. Instead she focused and ran toward another light. It grew into a bonfire amid standing stones. The Seeker squated down and warmed herself. She snuggled into the ground next to the fire and fell asleep.
The next day shone brightly. The Seeker covered the ashes of the fire before moving down a small path down a gully. On either side of her, forests loomed, but she stayed to the path. Noontime came and the Seeker came across a small snake. It slivered past her and around two swords stuck on either side of the path. One had a golden hilt, the other, a black one. The Seeker hesitated.
“A gate?” Slowly she passed through. A feeling of axiety washed over her. She began to run again.
At the end of the path rich field bloomed. Men, woman and children danced in fertile meadows. The Seeker paused before a trio, a father danceing with his children.
“What is this place?” The father laughed and continued to dance. The little girl throws back her head.
“This is joy and richness. Come join us.” The Seeker hesitated.
“How did I reach this point. I have come for this but I need to know how to obtain it.” The child laughed and danced away with her family. The Seeker wanders admist the crowds until she comes to the edge of a town. An old man sits, writing in his book.
“Please can you tell me how to achieve what those families have?” He laughs, sounding much like the people in the field.
“You don’t know how to find joy? You must journey still for you have not found your place yet.” Her brows knit and she stands and walks further in the woods. How can find that, why is their joy not for me? The woods break and building appears in the middle of a lake. A sword is driven in the ground, a signpost, a warning. The Seeker stands at the bridge and waits.
In time beyond the reaches
Let me guide my soul through the heavens
To the other worlds that await.
I feel I must write about the last couple days. My meditations have been on the lesson but not written down. The game came out like the cards said, but by look towards my friend I held my ground and all was well. Sunday was draining. The funeral was said and both Shawn and I felt incredibly strained. My daughter progresses well. She is so beautiful.
Meditation: The Seeker
1: The seeker seems bleak. The rain and wasteland seem to have dampened his spirits. The only hope is in that rainbow but even it seems fading. I feel lonely looking at this card, lost. The coldness seaps into my bones and I cannot shake it. I feel unsure, unsteady and the horrible feeling that I must run for my life.
Hallowquest Lesson 2
Meditation: The Seeker
2. The Seeker walks over the rainbow bridge. I cannot follow because the bridge disappears behind him. The land is gray, the rain seems to be washing it away in a sludgy river. There is nothing but white haze behind me. The clouds obscure the landscape on the other side of the gorge. It is cold and lonely. I can hear the screams of the blackbirds.
3. I am the seeker, walking the bridge. I’m looking for knowledge, sanctity, confidence and strength in order to heal. I carry the staff to help find my way, the knife and helm for protection and the stone for luck. The blackbirds call out:
“We’ll show you the way.”
The dart around my head as I walk a bridge I cannot see. Fear envelopes me but I continue to walk, looking to the clouds and the blackbirds.
Daily Reading: Tarot Companions
Experience: Spear Four
Guide: Spear Maiden
Teacher: The Round Table
An ending card, Spear Four is a path by a village into a forest. A spear with a wreath stands in the forefront. This suggests a completion. New pages to my web page? Or something else. My daughter just reached the milestone of turning over to her belly from her back. This is celebratory time.
A daring guide, she runs through the forest spear in hand. This reminds me of Grace, my littlest kitty. Full of energy and fiercely loyal.
Standing stones in the eye of a hawk. A change, is coming. I cannot seem to fathom what. I do not believe in karma, but is it something previously foretold?