It’s been more than a week now. I’m feeling almost normal, almost. My hospital trip itself was a story. Since I want to get better about posting, here I go.

I road a bike to the hospital. One of those red rent-a-bikes you see downtown. Those bikes are heavy but I made it up and down the hills from Union station to St. Luke’s without a problem. Not even out of breath. You wouldn’t know it to look at me but I’m stronger than I look.  When I got there, they were surprised that I came early.

The first new thing is that they tell you to strip down and give yourself a sponge bath using warm baby wipes. They tell you its to cut down on bacteria. That’s fine but not what you’d expect. Then they covered me in a silver balloon, which they filled with warm air. They called this their new blanket system. After they hooked me up to the needles I sat there for a few hours. Then after a few nurses fought over who was going to give me the dye, I went into surgery.

My discharge orders say “Resume all normal activities, no special diet, no baths, no strenuous activities for two weeks.” That’s it. The surgeon even asked me how long I think I needed off work. How am I supposed to know? I did get a brochure and about 10 pages on how to quite smoking. That would be great…if I had ever smoked.

What they didn’t tell me was that you gain 10 – 15 pounds after surgery from swelling and the gas they pump in. You’re clothes will not fit after surgery. You can’t zip up your pants.

They don’t tell you that the high dose of pain meds will not let you drive until you can do without the pills for more than several hours. But you shouldn’t do anything but short trips until you are off the meds completely.

They must have forgot to tell me that the gas would cause incredible pain in my shoulders that the pain meds can not help you with.

I’m sure it slipped their minds to talk about liquid and bland foods. Tier up what you eat until you’re sure it won’t send you the bathroom for hours.

The hospital staff were way to into their stabby robot. The superglue they use requires no wound care. And that is starting to come off. However the cuts don’t look very healed. I guess I may be worrying too much.

At least all my clothes fit again.