Things I Hear at Work

Make it Pretty (Good, sure okay. I hope you like honey on ochre cause that’s what I think pretty is)

Can we just add this? (Oh ya, as long as I cut this. What? Sorry, I’m not God enough to make space infinite)

Make it bolder with more colors (While I don’t think you’re trying push the gay pride thing, I support your choice….let me just mark this site off my resume because trying to tell folks this isn’t a gay pride website is going to give me a lot of headaches)

Those People aren’t (insert ethnicity here) enough. (Oh I’m sorry, can you get the club police down here so I can make sure that all ethnicity inclusion rules are followed?)

It’s not webpagey enough (What, in your professional opinion, makes something webpagey? Last I checked the definition was “on the internet”)

Can we make this fun? (I can make it fun, but I’ll need some rum first)

Let’s make this less religious (If a woman holding a sword is a religious experience for you, where can I sign up?)

Can’t we just copy their website (You betcha, just let me give you this resignation letter first)

He’s afraid of you and thinks you don’t like him. (I like him a lot, he’s just not that important)

Why can’t it blink? (Because I’m not two)

We can’t have racy footage on the website! (Then why did you ask me to do a clip piece based on our production of the Rocky Horror Picture Show?)

I liked how it used to be (That’s great! Why did you have me spend the last 48 hours to change it?)

Why can’t you just print out the website for me to look at? (It might be because you have a computer…or because I’d rather be eaten by llamas)

Don’t you have any young senior citizens? (Sure. I keep them in my pocket with the old children.)