Trying to make a medical decision is difficult enough. When all you have is three choices and none can be fixed anytime soon it’s worse. All decisions in this case lead down the same road.

I’ve been waking up in pain and have severe head pain that is making my eye twitch all day, most days. When I say pain, let me put this in perspective. If, the day before, I had lifted weights, gone on a 14er hike, road all day, or danced all night this would be a good pain. Consider now that yesterday I did morning stretches, say in my office and worked, then cooked dinner and played a video game and woke up feeling like I had climbed a mountain, this is not what you’d expect. Now if I do something silly (re: silly for me to do now) like ski or hike, I wouldn’t be able to move at all.

Though it’s been over a year and a half since I was diagnosed with Fibromyalgia, continuing weakness has prompted my doctor to send me to a neurologist. That visit is next week and I’m not sure I want to go.

It is possible I have MS or I might have a spinal cord injury. For those of you that remember when I throw my back out last late November/early December, it turns out I didn’t throw my back out. Something else happened. Spinal cord or disk injury is more likely. I can now crack my lower vertebrae whenever I choose to, much like I can dislocated my hips at will without too much pain. However, things I could do last year I’m finding harder. When I cleaned out the garage a few weeks ago I could not move the refrigerator. I put that fridge there. I did not have the strength to push it myself and I could not lift it on the dolly with straps.

Similarly, I cannot move dresser anymore. I clean out behind it every few months and this last time I could not make it budge…so I emptied it out. I still cannot move it.

Scary right?

I went to a friend’s memorial the other day. I only knew her briefly; she was already sick when I met her but we shared a PCOS diagnosis and has similar issues. She did not survive those issues. I have altered my diet drastically over the last six months and I do use light exercise. However, sitting at her memorial, I thought I should go to the doctor. I should make sure. Just in case.